The 5 Things You should NEVER Give a Girl on Valentines

It's the thought that counts. That's what my mom always tells me. "Well, at least he made an effort to give you something... right?" Like... Wow... Picking up weeds from your garden is a Herculian feat. And if it wasn't insulting enough, he had to give it in a plastic bag. How sweet...

Don't get us wrong. We do appreciate everything you do: You babysitting my 4 year old niece, driving my mom to the mall, etc. We do recognize your efforts and we love you for that. But is it too much to ask for a decent gift on Valentines or any other occasion for that matter?

We're not materialistic bitches (well, some of us anyway) and don't worry. You don't have to break the bank by buying us something from Tiffany and Co. What we're asking you is to give some long, hard, thought on what you're going to give us on Valentines day.

"Well, you never bothered to tell me what you want. You think I can read your mind?"

Well, sure, we'll give you a feeble smile and a faint "Gee... thanks." But if truth be told, we'd love to shove it up to your mouth and beg you to get your money back to buy us something better than a shirt that says "Gratefully Dead Rules!". We just love you too much (Or we're just too polite) to say something that could hurt your feelings. Yes, we know you have feelings, too, hidden deep beneath that facade of old school machismo.

Remember that Valentines is the most special day in a girl's life next to Christmas, her birthday and her wedding day. What you give her will make or break your chances of getting lucky on a Valentines night.

So what are the things you shouldn't give your girlfriend on Valentines?

1. Kitchen utensils and household items - Unless your girlfriend is into cooking or baking on her spare time, giving her a frying pan on her birthday or on Valentines won't merit you anything closer to a hug or a cuddle. A frying pan for Petesake? seriously. Pick something a lot more personal than a vacuum cleaner.  And don't even think about giving us a "Happy Valentines" mug either. 

2. Fastfood - planning on a romantic but low maintenance Valentines celebration? A bucket of greasy fried chicken from KFC on a candle lit dinner is anything but romantic. Try cooking for her instead. Even if it doesn't come out right, she'll appreciate the effort and will eat it anyway. But just case, invest on a cookbook. Practice making that perfect chocolate souffle.

3. Recycled gifts - We do understand that you're currently broke because you lost your job or blew your 4 months salary on a new gadget you have been dying to buy. But giving us something that has been lying around your apartment, office or house, or a gift you forgot to open last Christmas, is out of the option. And don't think we won't be able to tell either. We're not that stupid. Serenade us or write us a poem instead. Check this hub out for tips.

4. Artificial flowers - Sure, they never whither and they'll remain fresh and lifelike for eternity (or 500 years at least). They are, after all, synthetic. But don't even think about giving us plastic roses. It doesn't only spell crassy, it also shows your lack of effort and interest in making us happy.

5. Gym membership - Nothing insults a girl more than stating the obvious. Although your girl looks great in a bikini, it is absolutely a No-no to talk about her weight, let alone give her the idea that she needs to lose some. Think of it this way, how would you feel if you walk in on your girlfriend and her friends talk about your "size"? Or how about this: would you be insulted if she gave you a bottle of Extenze?